HONOREE: Lil’ Penny

25 06 2009

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Commercial: Nike Air Pennys

Actor/Voice:  Chris Rock
We’ve All Said It Before:  “That was Tyra Banks, fool!!!”
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lil-penny & marsContinuing with the basketball theme this week and with the LeBron and Kobe puppets making their debut, we thought it’d only be appropriate to pay homage to the originator. Granted the Air Penny series of kicks never had quite the hype surrounding Jordans, but we still have to highlight the brilliance applied by the Nike marketing team in having the foresight to apply Chris Rock voiceovers to create a legendary isht talkin’ calf-high sidekick and allowing Spike to direct the effort.
In most instances, we’d have to say using a puppet to drive sneaker sales is certifiably terrible, but Lil’ Penny happened to be right on time as an evolution of trendsetting characters and not a cheap knockoff of Mars.
spiteguy_13
The TC Awards Committee often finds blatant evidence of recycling going on amongst characters. And that’s definitely the case with Lil’ Penny and the mysterious appearance of  Miles Thirst as LeBron’s sidekick. Not to hate on LeBron, but sprite could’ve definitely done the homey a few steps better on the sidekick front…the shades and that fro? combined with a psuedo mc gusto voiceover and various assortment of dookie ropes? Just killed the whole vibe before it got started.  Sometimes the original should just be left alone.
At least Nike tried to redeem King James with the talcum powder loving muppet bearing his likeness. Outside of being everywhere and politicking with more celebs than most of us will meet in our lifetimes, Lil Penny’s success and lasting impression has to be attributed to the genius and foolishness of Chris Rock. Hilarious in his own right, the fact that he co-signed on this project with reckless commentary at all times has kept this character in rotation and the clones bitin’.
The originator shinin’ in all his glory:




Honorable Mention: Patrick (Ch)Ewing

12 03 2009

Commercial:  Get Dunked on by Patrick Chewing

Actor:  Patrick Ewing

We’ve All Said It Before:  ” Aaaaargghhh!!!”

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patrick-chewing

We like the fact that Snickers put Patrick Chewing back in the mix, but I’m sure as we all watch this commercial a few questions come to mind:

– Why does that white man open that Snickers like that? Is that a style that I missed when I was growing up?

– Why is his lumberjacket shirt so ugly and rigid?

– Where are they? Projects? Back of  warehouse?

– Why the hell does Patrick still have a box? and why couldn’t he get a fade? it looks like the swept up the hair balls off the barbershop floor and dropped it on his head…unprofessional

– “What’s up Ryan?”… does he know this dude and was just waiting for him to come back to the playground

– The tight ass jersey was very appropriate for the commercial but where do you get that..KMart? The unofficial Ewing jersey is real.

– Did he walk?

– Was he wearing Patrick Ewing Sneakers?

– “Aaaaaaarghhhhhhhh!”  Was that necessary? ..YES!

– Why did the backboard explode? Did he eat a Snickers before Ryan came by? who knows but I’m satisfied.

Overall this an obscure but successful 17 seconds.  The lesson here is don’t bring a Snickers to the court… but if you do, bring a comb with that Snickers.

Technicolored gem:

“Oops…”





Honorable Mention: Miss Cleo

11 03 2009

Commercial:  Ms. Cleo Mind & Spirit

Actress:  Youree Dell Harris

We’ve All Said It Before:  ” Call me NOW!!!”

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miss_cleo

“Call me now for a free readin’ !!”

Let’s go ahead and start by saying this fake ass Jamaican psychic supposedly made over $13 million for her psychic ‘abilities’ in the early 2000’s.  She definitely had the crown for the Psychic Network surpassing Deion Warwick’s punk ass.  With that kinda loot, you can’t really blame anyone eventhough she took it a lil too far.

Who in their right mind would be in an infomercial as a psychic? as a Jamaican? with the worst accent? The accent is actually how she changed the game…all entertainment.  “What ya waitin fee?”  haaaa. She was really wild and inappropriate.

For having such audacity this broad has to get some love.  She was and still is the official infomercial psychic.

For some fun, here is the  soundboard and the phone prank calls here

Technicolored Gems:

“About tree months it looks like to I…”

Cool Informercial Hell Article





Honorable Mention: McDonald’s R&B Commercial

30 12 2008

TV Commercial: McNuggets Lovin’

Actor/Singer: Don Lee Samuels

We’ve All Said It Before: “Girl you got a 10 piece please don’t be STING-AAYYY!”

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First time I saw this, I laughed out loud and then pressed rewind on my DVR to check if I was dreaming, drunk, high, or plain trippin’.

We still don’t know how to feel about it. Is it wrong that McD’s got a McNugget R&B commercial? I don’t know, but that joint is damn funny. And I really want some girl to roll up in my crib with some nuggets so I can ask her why she gotta be stingy…ugh, I mean.. sting-aaay! (you got to drag that last part out and tremble on it like Keith Sweat)

In case you were wondering who that dude is (cuz we were), its Don Lee Samuels from N2U (peep the cat loomin’ on the far right)

N2U

And who is that chick in the commercial? She can have the nuggets…just as long as I can get that milkshake. But I can’t lie, women as a whole are always hungry, stingy, and love McNuggets. Bring a chick some nuggets late night and you are definitely gonna get that extra love.

The best part is really thinking about the ad agency cats that sat down and wrote this spot. I know they weren’t serious and just wanted to f*ck around to see if McD’s would really do it…and they did. The editing and chopping of the song is awesome…’tip toe ..tip”and “then you dip dip dip dip dip…” Also the adlibs are better than Jeezy, Diddy, and Lil Jon combined …”you dippin on me?” , “you went to McDonalds?”…dude was really hurt up.

Let’s go ahead and break down these lyrics too:

“Aww baby …not again…” | this broad has done this numerous times. MickeyD’s fiend for real!

“I woke up and found you creepin'” | I woke up, wanted to knock boots and couldn’t find you

“it just aint fair..” | I’m a fiend too but if I go get them nuggets late night, you’re gonna think I’m cheatin.

girl interjection: “nice song…” | Keep singin sucka, ha.

“Girl you gotta ten piece…” | She didn’t opt for the $1 four piece (snack) or the 6 piece (meal), she went ahead and graduated to the “beast mode” status with that 10 piece.

I’m lovin’ it. Enjoy.

The TechniColored gem you’ve been waiting for:

Got dat McNuggets Lovin’!!

Homey was apparently singing about Baby Mama Love before he fell for those Mc Nuggets (same face and flow as the Mickey D’s commercial…haa):

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HONOREE: Mars Blackmon

2 12 2008

Film: She’s Got to Have It, 1986

Commercial: Nike Air Jordans

Actor: Spike Lee

We’ve All Said It Before: “It’s gotta be the shoes!”

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marsGet me this job! Who wouldn’t want to be the OG spokesperson for Nike Air Jordans:

1. The Gear. The Brooklyn cap with the brim flipped up. Massive, black rimmed, Gazelle type glasses. Tight ass biker shorts that every black man regrets from that era. The “MARS” gold nameplate.  But let’s be clear, Mars would need a new stylist in this millenium.

2. The Shoes. Undoubtedly illest line of sneakers to EVER be created.  These pieces of leather, sole, air, and shoestrings changed the entire game.  In 3rd grade, I washed dishes, vacuumed, and took out garbage like I was an indentured slave and freedom was the cost of a size 4 pair of Jordans.  I was beggin like Spike, “Please baby baby please!”

3. Jordan.  F*ck the sneakers, Jordan is the truth.  Cats would kill to be in a series of commercials with the best basketball player EVER.  I’ll kill for that.  OJ killed for … well I don’t know what he killed for, but he did kill. Ha.

Some more Technicolored gems:

Where it all started. Perfect transition from She Gotta Have It to the Air Jordan franchise. Nola looked like she wasn’t acting either.

One of my favorites. Mainly because I feel like the end is unscripted.

You already know… its gotta be the shoes!

After a long hiatus, welcome back Mars…and “Goodbye Mars”

Art:

Mars Blackmon Etch A Sketch

TShirts & Products:

Mars “Brooklyn” Inspired Fitted Hat

Mars Blackmon T-Shirt

Mars Blackmon T-Shirt 2

Toys:

Mars Blackmon Figure

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